1st Prize

There was a young girl from Southend,
I looked up for a dirty weekend.
You can imagine the fuss -
In the room next to us,
Was my wife with a gentleman friend!!!
(Phil Holtam)

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2nd Prize

There was a young girl from Southend,
Whom to you I can well recommend
She's witty and funny
She bangs like a bunny
Or so I was told, by a friend!
(Anon)

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3rd Prize

There was a young girl from Southend,
Who went sailing one winter weekend,
She had a sore throat,
While out on the boat,
So she sucked on a fishermen’s friend.
(K-9)

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There was a young girl from Southend
Who went diving and died of the bends
A tiny round bubble
Was the cause of the trouble
Cos it blocked off her heart at both ends
(Bob) (Highly Commended, for this and the next one which form part of a set)

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There was a young man from Southend
Whose girlfriend died of the bends
On the news of her death
The man held his breath
And died like his friend in Southend
(Bob) (Highly Commended)

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There was a young girl from Southend,
To whom flowers I often would send
For services rendered,
Or those merely tendered.
A refusal would only offend!
(Jeff H.) (Highly Commended)

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There was a young girl from Southend
Who to all married men was a friend
In times of great strife
She could usurp the wife
With her uncanny ability to bend
(Nick B) (Highly Commended)

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There was a young girl from Southend,
Who drank twenty cups of "Gold Blend"
She then couldn't sleep
So she tried counting sheep
On advice that she got from a friend!
(Philip Barry) (Highly Commended)

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There was a young girl from Southend
Who was sexually inclined to bend
She used to like men
Till one day before ten
She sucked on a Fishermans Friend
(chris) (Highly Commended)

Said a young girl from Southend
As she sucked on a Fisherman's Friend
I don't want to gloat
But this pain in my throat
Wasn't there till I got to the bend!
(bernie) (Highly Commended)

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There was a young girl from Southend
Who had the most rotund rear end
When she sat down to eat
If she lifted her feet
She more often than not did upend
(Nick B) (Highly Commended)

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I once loved a girl from Southend
Whom I met through a friend of a friend
But then it all came to blows
She said my prose was verbose
And she laughed at the poems I'd penned
(Chris)

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A netball team from Southend
In short skirts they used to bend,
They played for leisure
But I played for pleasure
Now in prison mail bags I mend.
(Anon as requested by Bob)

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There was a young girl from Southend
Who eloped with a fisherman's friend
She enjoyed as a treat
A taste of sweet meat
Took her breath quite away in the end
(Richard)

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I told my girlfiend from Southend
A joke that was sure to offend
About a girl from Dagenham
Dropped her chips while shaggin'em
She finished with me in the end
(c&p)

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There was young girl from Southend
Whose fanny it had a U-bend
When men tried to shag her
A plumber would Lag her
Cos it helped the boys round the bend
(Bob)

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There was a young girl from Southend,
Who wrote a short rhyme to a friend.
She chose a limerick,
As it's snappy and quick,
and so easy to do - The End !

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This page is a frame in the website of The Upper Cwmbran Temperance League

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