A completely new concept from the Upper Cwmbran Temperance League, ask a real person! Be it a quiz question that is proving difficult to solve, advice on your private life or whatever, Nigel (alias our quiz guru K9) is sure to come up with something wise, sometimes even witty.
Your questions may take .01 years to answer, revisit this page to check.
Click on the Questions below to see Nigels answers (The advice, answers and opinions expressed below are not necessarily those of the Upper Cwmbran Temperance League who can accept no responsibility for any actions taken by individuals or groups following any advice, believing any answers or agreeing with any opinions given.)
1. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
2. Why do some people get older ?
3. What can you put in a bucket to make it lighter in weight ?
4. What is slippery when wet ?
5. wat has a mouth but never eats, a bed but never sleeps and moves but isnt alive
6. wat can run but never walks has a mouth but never talks had a head but never weeps n has a bed nut never sleeps?
7. Why Does Wayne Rooney Look So Much Like A Monkey?
8. What colour is hippopotomus milk ?
9. Who won the FA cup in 1927 ?
10. When do the clocks go forwards ?
11. How much does a plum weigh ?
12. what does temperance mean
13. Is it true that you don't know what 'vadnal solapur' means?
14. How do I kill a cypress leylandii
15. What word can be spelt forwards, backwards and upside down and still be read from left to right ?
16. What is the name of Fowler's dog in Water with Lemon ?
17. Service Manual Leyland Hippo ?
18. What is pronounced as one letter but written as three ?
19. Nigel!! Two years ago my friend Rachel and I asked you many a question. Now that I have matured I would like to know your views on phospholipid bilayers and how they contribute so greatly to us as humans?
20. Is licorice bad for high blood pressure ?
21. What is the recipe for Windsor Cake ?
22. Does a duck's quack echo?
23. You are trapped in a room with no windows and a locked door. How do you get out so easily?
24. Where do the flies go in the wintertime ?
25. Why would a penalty be declined in football?
26. What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never speaks, has a head but never weeps and has a bed but never sleeps?
27. What is in alphabetti spaghetti ?
28. what is the temperance league?
29. Why do people get older?
30. Name of Pauline Fowler's dog ?
31. french word for rubber
32. Who chose the Lion as the stamp to put on British eggs and why ?
33. When did 01 dialing codes come in ?
34. What is the air speed velocity of an undidvided swallow?
35. What colour is hippo milk?
36. Does a blue shirt with pink stripes go with brown pin stripe ?
37. What time does the milk man deliver his milk in cwmbran ?
38. What "theme" is the 6th Wedding Anniversary, i.e. Lego, paper, total denial, etc.?
39. What is the tightening specification for the cylinder heads of a 2002 Chevy Impala 3.4
40. Is the total number of possible questions in the universe infinite or finite?
41. If you have a box of nectarines, why does the one at the bottom always go furry?
42. Why is it harder to tear kitchen foil using the cutter on the box (which was presumably designed for that purpose), than it is to just take the roll out of the box and rip it yourself?
43. What shampoo was first launched in 1954 ?
44. Forewards it is heavy, backwards it is not. What is it?
45. Where did the term Buffalo Wings originate?
46. What happens when two people ask the same question?
47. What's the difference between a shrimp and a prawn ?
48. Is there therapeutic value in a hug?
49. Is there another word for thesaurus ?
50. Do dogs blush?
51. Where can I find the golfing episode of the Honeymooners? ;)
52. How much does a plum weigh ?
53. Have you ever walked in Blaen Bran Community Woodland?
54. If you were given 10,000 Smarties, how many would you expect to be orange?
55. Is there a difference between flammable and inflammable? If so what is it? I ask you because you seem like a knowledgeable and rather nice chap :]
56. What word when written in capital letters is the same forwards backwards and upsidedown ?
57. Do the clocks go forward tonight ?
58. What did your average bag of sugar weigh before the kilogram started being used in common measure?
59. What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?
60. How many apples can you safely eat in a day?
61. Why are there so many roadworks on the M6?
62. Where can I find a coin swap machine at Sainsburys ?
63. Do animals cry?
64. How long is a piece of string?
65. Why don't penguins feet freeze?
66. When do the clocks go forward?
67. Reference the last question, are you concerned that the relative dimensional bubble might be about to burst?
68. Why does time always pass so quickly at The Bush? Is the place caught in some of sort of relative dimensional bubble?
69. What do the Islets of Langerhan look like ?
70. Why do some questions keep coming up?
71. To get more volume from a Hi-Fi, you turn the volume clockwise. To get more water from a tap, you turn the tap anti-clockwise. Why the difference?
72. Are recycling bins made from recycled plastic?
73. What is the difference between flammable and inflammable ?
74. Why is the word "phonetically" not spelt how it sounds?
75. What's the world's longest acronym?
76. Why doesn't palindrome spell the same backwards as forwards ?
77. Why is it that in all films about a Lion (e.g. The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe, The Lion King, Secondhand Lions), the lion dies?
78. Res melius evinissent cum Coca
79. Is beetroot nicer than ham ?
80. What are the origins of the traditional colour associations of blue for boys and pink for girls?
81. How deep is the canal ?
82. What's the difference between a duvet and a quilt?
83. What is the distance from oche (pronounced ockey) to the dartboard ?
84. Have you every considered a sister site, say Ask Nigella?
85. where would you buy a dart board in Cwmbran
86. Do you believe in Santa Claus?
87. Do they know it's Christmas?
88. Do fish sleep at night?
89. Why do Biros have holes
90. whats the cinnection between tuna/pantomime
91. Where can I buy Rain Bonnets
92. What is the difference between a blue flame and an orange flame ?
93. What is the last digit of Pi ?
94. WHEN IS A CAR NOT A CAR
95. How do I make butter sauce ?
96. Where do scampi live?
97. Whats happening for halloween in Torfaen ?
98. Does Mr Plum, the porter have anything to crow about?
99. Does Nigel always answer the questions or does he have a deputy who sometimes sneaks in when he isn't looking and answer questions for him ?
100. I think cats like mice, would you eat something you did not like?
101. Would you sell out to Google?
102. In the main lottery draw what colour would 23 be ?
103. Why do dogs hate cats?
104. I am weightless but you can see me. Put me in a bucket and I make is lighter. What am I?
105. A butcher has a 36 inch waist around, and he's 5 feet tall. What does he weigh ?
106. Do ducks like the rain?
107. Do aliens exist ?
108. If I stick to my guns will I always be more prepared than my oponent if I want to shoot them because I won't need to find my guns and they will?
109. Do buzzards eat slugs ?
110. why is the most reccent question labeled 1, not the first question asked?
111. What is the point in anyone learning history ? All they ever need it for is to teach history ... and dig up old stuff in the queens garden, and lets face it, that's pretty dull.
112. Where does scampi come from ?
113. I can only find one of your poems on this website, are there more?
114. What's that coming over the hill ... is it a monster?
115. What year did the lion appear on eggs ?
116. How many world title fights did mohammed ali contest under the name of Cassius Clay ?
117. Why don't cows get sunburn?
118. How much acreage of grass do you need to keep 1 cow?
119. How much milk can a cow produce in 1 day?
120. How do I make borough market chocolate brownies ?
121. Will England win the World Cup this year?
122. If a magazine is published bimonthly how many editions are published in a year, 6 or 24?
123. Can you answer rhetorical questions?
124. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
125. Is there a ladies club in Feinedd Bren?
126. Does anything rhyme with 'orange' ?
127. What is the longest lasting pen ?
128. what is the word for chav in wales
129. How many dog years to a human ?
130. Name the inventer of catseyes
131. What's on Easter Weekend in the Cwmbran, Newport or Cardiff areas ?
132. What were the Radio Ballads?
133. Are Sundays special, if so should we take steps to keep them that way?
134. What's the difference between a caterpillar and a centipede?
135. Are there any questions you would like to ask ?
136. Do you usually get asked so many questions?
137. is gruntled the oppposite of disgruntled?
138. If you tried to fail and succeed in failing have you really succeeded?
139. Shouldn't "Nigels answers" have an apostrophe in it?
140. Is it possible to sneeze with your eyes open?
141. What was the name of Grace Archer's horse?
142. What's the difference between flammable and inflammable?
143. Which is the best way to buy tinned tuna - in brine, spring water or oil?
144. Where is Feinedd Bren Gentlemen’s Club?
145. I have been told by Mark Crew that you look a lot like the little picture of you I was just wondering if your hair really is that out of this world ?
146. Where's Spot?
147. I see that Jeeves has retired to travel the world on his boat. You're not going to do the same are you ?
148. I do not have the facilities to melt down the 2p's before putting them in the 4.5litre whisky bottle, so how many can I expect to fit in, unmelted?
149. Does anything eat wasps?
150. I’m not well and have pulled out of some events I was due to attend at the weekend. I might, however, just be able to attend a certain public house for a medicinal beverage or two this evening. But I’m concerned if I’m seen out, I’ll get taunted with: “You were well enough to go to the pub!” type comments. What should I do? Yours concerned Mr Badger
151. What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it's all about ?
152. What make of car is driven by the two brothers in US tv series "Supernatural"?
153. I hold my hands the width of my shoulders apart. If I have a moth ball in each hand, what have I got?
154. If you're stapling a thick pile of paper, why does the staple bend horribly if you do it slowly, but it goes through properly if you do it quickly?
155. I've written a book how do I get published
156. What are the origins of the terms 'nearside' and 'offside' used to descibe sides of a car, and do they swap over if you drive on the other side of the road?
157. Approximately how many two pences pieces could you fit in a 4.5 litre whisy bottle?
158. Why is a windsor knot so called?
159. Why are some cereals higher in energy than others
160. Apart from humans, do any other animals posess the dexterity to remove splinters from themselves?
161. Should I stay or should I go?
162. If I ask a question, I get a question number that is 1 billion and something or other. Yet on this page I only see just under 200 questions answered. That's an awful lot of alphabetti spaghetti, how do you transport it to the local recycling centre?
163. I'm looking for someone who can make me some fine custom built shaker and cottage style kitchen furniture. Who can you recommend ?
164. What is meant by the lion quality marked on eggs?
165. Approximately how much would a 4.5 litre whisky bottle full of 2 pence pieces be worth?
166. Is this a full time job ? If not, then what is your job?
167. If you let a pan of water boil over on a gas cooker, why does the flame go orange? Water doesn't burn, does it?
168. What happens to the questions that don't get answered?
169. What does "Res melius evinissent cum Coca" mean?
170. Can you tell the author of the most recent question about Pauline Fowler, that the question numbers change every time a new question is posted?
171. Why is it, that if you turn a tap on slightly, then it will turn itself off slowly over the next twenty seconds or so?
172. Where to buy a dart board in Cwmbran ?
173. What was the last pantomime that you watched?
174. What site can I find the pictures of the Bush ladies dart team?
175. Where does the expressing "beating about the bush" come from?
176. upper cwmbran
177. is there buses 2 newport on boxing day from cwmbran
178. Where can I find all eight stanza's of "Auld Kyndnes foryett"
179. When did 01 cease being the dialing code for London?
180. When is Chris going to move some of the older questions onto an archive page ?
181. Do parallel lines cross at infinity ?
182. How do potatoes know whether they're being cooked in a microwave or an oven, such that in the former they tast awful, and in the latter, simply delicious!
183. In reference to question 61, Pauline Fowler is a character in Eastenders. My question is why does she keep bumping people off with monopoly pieces? Her car, her iron and her scotty dog have all been used to kill someone....
184. Do you like marmite on crumpets . . . if you've never tried it then you should ... it's mightily nice?
185. How can I tie a Windsor knot ?
186. When was the last time you wore a tie?
187. What was Operation Entebbe?
188. There are many questions that remain unanswered. Why?
189. Why do people say the sky is the limit when in fact people have been into space ?
190. How do we know that a squared plus b squared = c squared, we could get the letters the wrong way round
191. What are your methods for dealing with lunatics?
192. I saw a pig fly - what does this mean?
193. What are your views on antidisestablishmentarianism ?
194. Do you own a dart board ?
195. What's the best way to make chocolate brownies ?
196. Do you get paid for answering these pointless questions like the one that I am currently writing ?
197. Do you like carrot cake ?
198. Do you look like the cartoon Nigel ?
199. If you could travel in time, when would you go to and why?
200. Do you like the name Rachel?
201. What are islets of langahan ?
202. How old is Marmite?
203. Do you know of any interesting applications for marmite?
204. Do you love or hate Marmite?
205. What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
206. I think the real question is, where are you going?
207. Are we nearly there yet?
208. Why do people keep asking "How old is Auld Lang Syne", and why is the answer different each time?
209. How old is Auld Lang Syne ?
210. When we ask Nigel, how do we know if you are real or not?
211. What time does the last number 6 (Ty Canol) bus leave Cwmbran Town Centre?
212. If the Upper Cwmbran Temperance League is indeed about temperance, why can it's members be often seen in a certain public house consuming beverages of an alcoholic nature?
213. Will SHE be there tonight? You know the one of whom I speak ;-)
214. Why is it that when I'm in a hurry or delayed, my bus will leave dead on time or slightly early, but when I arrive at the bus stop in good time, to catch my intended bus, it is always late?
215. What is scampi?
216. Mr Brown did his nut as he found a unique formula to shield his home from ninja badger attacks. Is this anything to crow about?
217. wos wrong wth txt spk then, lol?
218. hiya its haNNAH MARKS NEICE AGEN IM AVIN TROUBLE I CANT FIND THE NUMBER 4 999 PLZ TELL ME INCASE I NEED IT WAT IS THE NUMBER FOR 999 ?
219. How can I make a windsor knot in a my tie?
220. Why is so hot? Why oh why? scochio. I'm melting.....
221. How much does Billie Piper weigh these days?
222. Why did the lion appear on British eggs?
223. What is the earliest date for a cuckoo to be heard in Wales?
224. Which planet is the furthest from the sun ?
225. I am weightless, but you can see me. Put me in a bucket, and I'll make it lighter. What am I?
226. What is the point of it all?
227. When is the shortest night ?
228. I was born in Cwmbran in Monmouthshire. Monmouthshire became Gwent. Then Cwmbran became part of the county Borough of Torfaen and much of Gwent became part of another county borough called Monmouthshire. Am I right in saying I was born in Monmouthshire?
229. I found somebody elses trousers the other day and there wasn't 50 quid in either pocket. Why?
230. Who is really behind "Bad Wolf" ?
231. If I go back in time to when my grandfather was a boy and shoot him dead, will I cease to exist?
232. what is the welsh national assemlby i need 2 no 4 borin homwrk
233. I thought Soo works in The Bush?
234. Why is it that "I spoke TO Nigel, but had TOO many questions" is correct but "SO I looked it up, but it was SOO difficult" is not ?
235. Did Geoff Hurst really score?
236. What is alive and has only 1 foot?
237. When do elephants have 8 feet?
238. What always ends everything ?
239. Nicola Bryant or Billie Piper? Who would you chose?
240. What is the word that means hiring or promoting family members or favored frineds unfairly
241. When we were a Kingdom we were ruled by a King. When we were an Empire we were ruled by an Emperor. Now we're a Country, what are we ruled by?
242. Is it true that contrary to popular belief, Riley's life hasn't been so good lately ?
243. If you have an electric light in a mirror sealed room and you turn it off, does it get dark in the room?
244. If Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck and Pluto's a dog, what's Goofy?
245. If reincarnation exists, why does Pauline Fowler keep coming back as the same thing?
246. How do you start using a "Frequent Use Shampoo"?
247. If I'm travelling in a vehicle at the speed of light and I turn the headlights on, what would happen?
248. What is the secret of Area 51?
249. What is the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything?
250. You are trapped in a room with no windows and a locked door. How do you get out?
251. Forewards it is heavy, backwards it is not. What is it?
252. A butcher is six foot tall, wears size 14 shoes, and has a 50 inch waist. What does he weigh?
253. Why haven't those fine chaps at the UCTL joined the Red Network ?
254. Where does the expression "Robert is your paternal antecedent sibling" ( aka "Bob's your uncle") come from.
255. If God doesn't want us to eat animals why did he make them out of meat?
256. What is the connection in Red Quiz #2 ?
257. What are the holes in biros for
258. If you had fifty pounds in one pocket, and twenty pounds in the other, what would you have?
259. In the main lottery draw what colour would ball number 36 be?
260. How many of pints of Crow Valley Bitter would be needed to completely fill the Millennium Stadium?
261. I need a new hobby and was thinking of collecting sub-atomic particles, such as quarks and leptons. Do you think this is a good idea? I am a bit short sighted and lose things easily.
262. What is the way to Amarillo ?
263. Where can I listen to the Red Quiz ?
264. What country does the imfamous leylandii come from?
265. I've just had a clear out of the attic and garage. I found an old dustbin, some car indicator lights, an egg whisk and a sink plunger. Is it safe to store them together?
266. Can you explain Nestene Consciousness in laymens' terms
267. Why are sofas in short supply this week?
268. You're piloting a spaceship at half the speed of light, when a stray asteroid crosses your path. What's the thinking time and breaking time?
269. How does teflon stick to a non-stick pan?
270. How are seedless grapes grown?
271. Where are the Islets of Langahan?
272. In these days of inflation and other fluctuating economic factors, is a bird in the hand still worth two in the bush?
273. Can I be believed if I tell you that everything I say is a lie?
274. Can you help me? Everywhere I go, i'm being followed by wheelie bins. Gangs of them wait on street corners (and mostly by St Dials shops) lips flapping and looking sinister. Why is this happening?
275. what will the main national lottery draw numbers be on Saturday April 30?
276. Nigel, Why is there only one Monopolies Commission??
277. What is the Red Network ?
278. hi it is mark wel no it is hannah his neice i swear if u dont beleive me aask him do u believe me?
279. What time was dinner ?
280. Why haven't you joined the Blaen Bran Community Woodland?
281. Is gravity a real universal force. or is it just a distortion of the Space Time Continum?
282. Why haven't there been many questions recently?
283. Where do flies go in the winter time?
284. Why is 999 the only UK telephone number that starts with a 9 ?
285. Is there another word for 'thesaurus'?
286. How many roads are there in the London Postal District of W1?
287. What is the French for Va Va Voom?
288. When will we see the return of CrowFM?
289. How old are you today Nigel (Wednesday 23rd December)?
290. What's the real reason they don't want you using mobile phones in petrol stations?
291. how does rcs work
292. How do you kill a circus?
293. Is Nigel going to come in to work tomorrow to hand out our lottery winnings?
294. Can Nigel correct the spelling of 'traced' in answer to the Auld Lang Syne question?
295. Why does margarine go yellow on the top if you don't use it for a while?
296. How can you tell if Stilton is off?
297. What Indian dish is your favourite?
298. Is Christmas a Christian Celebration?
299. A man walks up to you and says - "everything I say to you is a lie." Is he telling you the truth or is he lying?
300. How old is Auld Lang Syne?
301. Is this a question?
302. If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, whats the name of the bus driver?
303. Why did the chicken cross the road?
304. Who shot JR?
305. When you buy milk in plastic containers the tops are red for whole milk, green for semi skimmed and blue for skimmed. However whole milk from the milkman has a silver top, semi skimmed has a red top, and skimmed has a blue top. Why the difference ?
306. Are you looking for promotion Nigel?
307. It is conjectured that every even number is the sum of two primes. eg 12 = 7 + 5 and 30 = 17 + 13. What do you feel would constitute a valid proof of this conjecture?
308. What is your starsign and do you believe in astrology?
309. What power (Watts) does Crow FM radiate?
310. How many tentacles has a squid?
311. Who is Martin and what would he supply?
312. Will Martin consider supplying the hospitality suite at Crow FM on Sundays?
313. When is the Brain of Cwmbran on next ?
314. Who won the first round of The Brain of Cwmbran last Sunday?
315. Is the Komplete K-Nine Kollection available on eBay?
316. Who is "Verse 18" ?
317. When is Brain of Cwmbran on the Radio ?
318. Why don't you answer any questions?
319. What was the Temperance League?
320. They say that cats always land on their feet, and toast always lands "butter side down" so what would happen if you attached a piece of toast with the butter facing up, to a cat and dropped them both?
321. Hi Nigel, if the questioner is serious about the haynes manual for a ford anglia I may be able to help with a photocopy., tell him to email the webmaster
322. Where would I get a haynes manual for a ford anglia deluxe (any colour)?
323. Where do babies come from?
324. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
325. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading- Henny Youngman.... Discuss?
326. Was blood red a standard colour for a Ford Anglia?
327. What is the tightening sequence and torque settings for the cylinder head of a 1964 ford anglia deluxe (alpine blue)
328. What is your name ?
329. I need a small bag to hold my bits and pieces. Can you tell me where I can get felt?
330. Did you realise that your suit looks far more dashing on you than on Jeeves...are you related?
331. Do you know who I am? If I said protective hug wear would it help?
332. Do ducks like the rain?
333. Why do tigers have stripes ?
334. Why are there no aspirins in the jungle ?
335. What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything ?
336. Which is the only part of the human body unable to heal itself?
337. Why do bees hum ?
338. Do you sell Ask Nigel T-Shirts?
339. I think Wagon Wheels are smaller than they once were. Is this true ?
340. Is life like reality television or is life like Eastenders?
341. What day does Crow FM start, what is it and what frequency is it on?
342. How do I stop a photo directory sorting itself in Windows XP?
343. Why do squirrels swim upside down?
344. Whats so good about "the best thing since sliced bread" ?
1. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
Answer: You'll never make a great Scrabble player if you have this affliction !
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2. Why do some people get older ?
Answer: It's the better of the two alternatives !
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3. What can you put in a bucket to make it lighter in weight ?
Answer: A hole !
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4. What is slippery when wet ?
Answer: Bon Jovi's third and very successful album !
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5. wat has a mouth but never eats, a bed but never sleeps and moves but isnt alive
Answer: A river
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6. wat can run but never walks has a mouth but never talks had a head but never weeps n has a bed nut never sleeps?
Answer: A river
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7. Why Does Wayne Rooney Look So Much Like A Monkey?
Answer: I have no idea ... obviously nothing to do with Man Utd paying peanuts !
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8. What colour is hippopotomus milk ?
Answer: I suggest you find a female hippo and ask her !
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9. Who won the FA cup in 1927 ?
Answer: Cardiff City ... and Nottingham Forest won it in 1959 or so my mum told me.
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10. When do the clocks go forwards ?
Answer: Whenever you put them forwards ... they can't do it themselves ! Personally I don't see the point of BST, I blame the mad cows :-)
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11. How much does a plum weigh ?
Answer: About the same as half a dozen cherries or a satsuma !
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12. what does temperance mean
Answer: temperance (tĕm'pər-əns, tĕm'prəns)n.
Moderation and self-restraint, as in behavior or expression.
Restraint in the use of alcoholic liquors.
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13. Is it true that you don't know what 'vadnal solapur' means?
Answer: Yes ... what does it mean ? As it is a leap year I am allowed to ask questions as well :-)
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14. How do I kill a cypress leylandii
Answer: 1. Drive a copper nail into it?
2. Use Sodium Chlorate
3. cut it down within 6 inches of the ground
4. Move
5. Tell me when you find a way and don't get caught
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15. What word can be spelt forwards, backwards and upside down and still be read from left to right ?
Answer: OXO
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16. What is the name of Fowler's dog in Water with Lemon ?
Answer: Not sure I really understood that question but the answer is ... Courage
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17. Service Manual Leyland Hippo ?
Answer: I wasn't even sure if that was a question or just a collection of random words, but a chat with my friend Mr Google produced the following link ... http://mvt.org.uk/library_files/list_leyland_motors.html
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18. What is pronounced as one letter but written as three ?
Answer: If I understand the question correctly (and no guarantees there) there are a number of answers ... Bee, Eye, Jay, Kay, Pea, Are, Tea, You, Why.
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19. Nigel!! Two years ago my friend Rachel and I asked you many a question. Now that I have matured I would like to know your views on phospholipid bilayers and how they contribute so greatly to us as humans?
Answer: I agree with the Dutch physicians, E.Gorter and F.Grendel who said that the lipid bilayer is a critical component of all biological membranes, including cell membranes, and so is absolutely essential for all known life on Earth.
Especially while they were comparing the surface area of human erythrocytes with that of the isolated lipids in a Langmuir-Blodgett trough. They found that the area of lipids from a known number of erythrocytes, when spread out on the trough, was just twice the calculated surface area of the erythrocytes. They concluded, correctly, that the membrane is two lipid molecules thick and proposed it is made of a bilayer.
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20. Is licorice bad for high blood pressure ?
Answer: The regular consumption of licorice sweets (based on licorice root extract) can result in high blood pressure, sodium and water retention, and excessive loss of potassium.
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21. What is the recipe for Windsor Cake ?
Answer: I am not sure of the ingredients but it came in a tin like this ...
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22. Does a duck's quack echo?
Answer: Apparently yes ... A team at Salford University recently did some research to get to the bottom of the problem with the help of willing volunteer, Daisy the duck. They found that a duck's quack does echo, but it is quite hard to hear the echo because of the quality of the quack sound. A sound that fades in and out (like a duck quack) makes an echo which can become mixed up with the original sound being made. This means it is hard to distinguish one from the other.
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23. You are trapped in a room with no windows and a locked door. How do you get out so easily?
Answer: Through the other (unlocked) door?
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24. Where do the flies go in the wintertime ?
Answer: They fly South for the Winter ... or just buzz off somewhere.
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25. Why would a penalty be declined in football?
Answer: Had you ruled out stupidity ?
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26. What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never speaks, has a head but never weeps and has a bed but never sleeps?
Answer: A River
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27. What is in alphabetti spaghetti ?
Answer: Alphabetti Spaghetti is the brand name of canned pasta in tomato sauce, shaped like letters of the alphabet. The brand belongs to the H. J. Heinz Company. Alphabetti is particularly popular with children but not dyslexics who don't derive the full benefit of the gastronomic and linguistic experience !
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28. what is the temperance league?
Answer: The Temperance League, of the Upper Cwmbran variety, is a collection of like minded people from all corners of the globe (if indeed globes can have corners), who, in the true spirit of the word "Temperance", believe in moderation in all things, including, but not in any way limited to, the consumption of alcoholic beverage.
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29. Why do people get older?
Answer: It is usually better than the alternative.
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30. Name of Pauline Fowler's dog ?
Answer: Arthur ?
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31. french word for rubber
Answer: rubber n. caoutchouc m.; (eraser) gomme
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32. Who chose the Lion as the stamp to put on British eggs and why ?
Answer: The British Egg Marketing Board was set up in 1957 to buy all eggs produced in the UK, grade them to a national standard, stamp a "Little Lion" on the egg as a mark of quality, and market those eggs through registered packhouses .... no yolk !
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33. When did 01 dialing codes come in ?
Answer: Shortly after the previous dialling codes were phased out.
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34. What is the air speed velocity of an undidvided swallow?
Answer: Probably quite a lot faster than a divided one !
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35. What colour is hippo milk?
Answer: Why not ask a hippo ?
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36. Does a blue shirt with pink stripes go with brown pin stripe ?
Answer: Only if you are colour blind !
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37. What time does the milk man deliver his milk in cwmbran ?
Answer: What milk man ? I thought the were extinct !
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38. What "theme" is the 6th Wedding Anniversary, i.e. Lego, paper, total denial, etc.?
Answer: Lego and total denial sound good but in fact the answer is Iron.
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39. What is the tightening specification for the cylinder heads of a 2002 Chevy Impala 3.4
Answer: RTFM :-)
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40. Is the total number of possible questions in the universe infinite or finite?
Answer: Quite possibly ... but I am a bit uncertain ... rather like my friend Heisenberg.
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41. If you have a box of nectarines, why does the one at the bottom always go furry?
Answer: Personally I blame Issac Newton, for inventing gravity and all those laws of force and motion. The poor old nectarine at the bottom suffers from the weight and pressure of the others bearing down on him and therefore tends to get bruised and battered, leading ultimately to furriness.
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42. Why is it harder to tear kitchen foil using the cutter on the box (which was presumably designed for that purpose), than it is to just take the roll out of the box and rip it yourself?
Answer: It is a cunning plan by the manufacturers to get you to discard excess foil by not getting the torn off pieces the size you really want, therefore wasting the foil and causing you to buy more.
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43. What shampoo was first launched in 1954 ?
Answer: Sunsilk
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44. Forewards it is heavy, backwards it is not. What is it?
Answer: Ton.
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45. Where did the term Buffalo Wings originate?
Answer: I never even knew they could fly ... imagine that ... herds of buffalo flying majestically over the plains .. don't look up !
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46. What happens when two people ask the same question?
Answer: The two identical answers are carefully overlaid on top of each other to give the appearance of a single comprehensive answer :-)
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47. What's the difference between a shrimp and a prawn ?
Answer: A shrimp is any of several small, long-tailed, chiefly marine crustaceans of the decapod suborder Natania, a prawn is one of those small pieces used in chess.
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48. Is there therapeutic value in a hug?
Answer: Yes, I believe there is and just to make sure I will be carrying out extensive tests in the near future to verify this belief :-)
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49. Is there another word for thesaurus ?
Answer: Probably, try looking it up in a dictionary.
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50. Do dogs blush?
Answer: I cannot speak for all breeds but certain 'tin dogs' have been known to blush when 'wenched' :-)
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51. Where can I find the golfing episode of the Honeymooners? ;)
Answer: Honeymooners ? Was that a tee-V program ? From a fairway back I would imagine. This could be a rough one to find, could easily get trapp-ed. I'll putt some effort in and see what I can find.
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52. How much does a plum weigh ?
Answer: More than a cherry and less than an apple !
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53. Have you ever walked in Blaen Bran Community Woodland?
Answer: No, but when I get a decent pair of walking shoes .. I plan to.
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54. If you were given 10,000 Smarties, how many would you expect to be orange?
Answer: Probably about the same number as there were green, brown, red and blue .. do they still do the blue ones ?
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55. Is there a difference between flammable and inflammable? If so what is it? I ask you because you seem like a knowledgeable and rather nice chap :]
Answer: "In"
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56. What word when written in capital letters is the same forwards backwards and upsidedown ?
Answer: OXO
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57. Do the clocks go forward tonight ?
Answer: Only if you BELIEVE in British Summer Time !
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58. What did your average bag of sugar weigh before the kilogram started being used in common measure?
Answer: The most common size bag weighed 2 pounds, although you could get smaller 1 pound bags.
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59. What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?
Answer: A river
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60. How many apples can you safely eat in a day?
Answer: All of them !
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61. Why are there so many roadworks on the M6?
Answer: It's a long road !
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62. Where can I find a coin swap machine at Sainsburys ?
Answer: In the main entrance next to the DVDs.
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63. Do animals cry?
Answer: Yes
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64. How long is a piece of string?
Answer: From one end to the other !
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65. Why don't penguins feet freeze?
Answer: A thin but effective insulating layer of milk chocolate.
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66. When do the clocks go forward?
Answer: When you put them forward ... personally I think the whole thing is a waste of time !
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67. Reference the last question, are you concerned that the relative dimensional bubble might be about to burst?
Answer: Or it might just change shape ?
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68. Why does time always pass so quickly at The Bush? Is the place caught in some of sort of relative dimensional bubble?
Answer: Yes.
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69. What do the Islets of Langerhan look like ?
Answer: Like the Islands of Langerhan, but smaller :-)
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70. Why do some questions keep coming up?
Answer: Because some people keep asking them !
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71. To get more volume from a Hi-Fi, you turn the volume clockwise. To get more water from a tap, you turn the tap anti-clockwise. Why the difference?
Answer: Electrons are left-handed !
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72. Are recycling bins made from recycled plastic?
Answer: They ought to be. If they are not, then ask your Council why not.
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73. What is the difference between flammable and inflammable ?
Answer: 'in'
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74. Why is the word "phonetically" not spelt how it sounds?
Answer: Because that would make learning English far too easy ... and we wouldn't want that.
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75. What's the world's longest acronym?
Answer: ADCOMSUBORDCOMPHIBSPAC is the longest acronym. It is a Navy term standing for Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate Command.
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76. Why doesn't palindrome spell the same backwards as forwards ?
Answer: For the same reason abbreviation is a long word and monosyllabic has five syllables !
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77. Why is it that in all films about a Lion (e.g. The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe, The Lion King, Secondhand Lions), the lion dies?
Answer: Cat's Life !
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78. Res melius evinissent cum Coca
Answer: quoque jack daniels
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79. Is beetroot nicer than ham ?
Answer: Yes, except when it comes to removing the stain from your shirt !
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80. What are the origins of the traditional colour associations of blue for boys and pink for girls?
Answer: The preferred color to dress young boys in was pink! Blue was reserved for girls as it was considered the paler, more dainty of the two colors, and pink was thought to be the stronger (akin to red). It was not until WWII that the colors were reversed and pink was used for girls and blue for boys.
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81. How deep is the canal ?
Answer: I don't know ... I have never asked it any tricky philosophical questions !
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82. What's the difference between a duvet and a quilt?
Answer: A duvet is a quilt that has a washable cover, and it is used in place of a bedspread and top sheet. So, a duvet is a quilt, but a quilt may or may not be a duvet.
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83. What is the distance from oche (pronounced ockey) to the dartboard ?
Answer: 7 feet 9.25 inches.
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84. Have you every considered a sister site, say Ask Nigella?
Answer: I don't think it is necessary as I am not breaking any laws on discrimination.
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85. where would you buy a dart board in Cwmbran
Answer: The Dart Box in Old Cwmbran
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86. Do you believe in Santa Claus?
Answer: Ask Greg Lake
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87. Do they know it's Christmas?
Answer: Only with the aid of a band !
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88. Do fish sleep at night?
Answer: Most all fish spend time in an energy-saving state that can be called "rest", and we might even call their behavior "sleep", though it is probably
different than "sleep" in most land animals. Many fish, like Bass and perch, rest on or under logs at night. Coral reef fish active in the day, hide and rest in crevices and cracks in the reef to avoid being eaten at night. The resting behavior of fish is very different from their behavior the rest of the day. Many minnows, for example, which are very active in schools during the day, scatter and remain motionless in shallow water at night. Many fish "rest" or "sleep" during the day and are
active at night instead, but almost all fish sleep.
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89. Why do Biros have holes
Answer: Biros have holes to let air in so that the ink can come out. If your biro doesn't work it can sometimes help to blow into the air hole.
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90. whats the cinnection between tuna/pantomime
Answer: I don't like to answer a question with a question but what is a cinnection?
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91. Where can I buy Rain Bonnets
Answer: A Meteorolgy Market ?
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92. What is the difference between a blue flame and an orange flame ?
Answer: They are different colours !
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93. What is the last digit of Pi ?
Answer: At a guess, something between 0 - 9
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94. WHEN IS A CAR NOT A CAR
Answer: When it turns into a one way street
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95. How do I make butter sauce ?
Answer: Melt butter in a small saucepan over low heat. Stir in sour cream, seasoned salt, and chives. Warm, but do not boil. Serve as dipping sauce in individual ramekins or small bowls. Great with king crab, shrimp, scallops, and salmon.
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96. Where do scampi live?
Answer: In the freezer cabinet next to the fish fingers and cod in parsley sauce !
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97. Whats happening for halloween in Torfaen ?
Answer: There is, or should I say was a Halloween fancy dress disco at the Bush on Friday 27 October. You should have been there ... it was a scream !
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98. Does Mr Plum, the porter have anything to crow about?
Answer: Well yes, he's a dark, full bodied, smooth sort of chappie with a hint of fruitiness.
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99. Does Nigel always answer the questions or does he have a deputy who sometimes sneaks in when he isn't looking and answer questions for him ?
Answer: I couldn't possibly comment, but the answer to the following question may give you some clues :-)
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100. I think cats like mice, would you eat something you did not like?
Answer: Not intentionally !
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101. Would you sell out to Google?
Answer: You are very perceptive, or have you insider knowledge?
Don't tell Nigel but we have in fact been approached by Google and we are currently holding out for a better offer. Whether we accept or not will depend partly on whether Nigel (K9) himself is included in the deal. We would want to be sure that they would not just buy the name and then close it down. The Monopolies Commission are also keeping an eye on the situation.
Chris
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102. In the main lottery draw what colour would 23 be ?
Answer: The same colour as 22 and 24 ... but what does it matter ? .. it's the numbers you pick not the colours and on my black and white TV they all appear grey anyway !
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103. Why do dogs hate cats?
Answer: For the same reason cats hate mice.
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104. I am weightless but you can see me. Put me in a bucket and I make is lighter. What am I?
Answer: A hole !
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105. A butcher has a 36 inch waist around, and he's 5 feet tall. What does he weigh ?
Answer: Steaks, lamb chops, sausages, burgers etc.
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106. Do ducks like the rain?
Answer: They'd be quackers not to !
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107. Do aliens exist ?
Answer: I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I may incriminate myself.
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108. If I stick to my guns will I always be more prepared than my oponent if I want to shoot them because I won't need to find my guns and they will?
Answer: Depends on the quality of the glue.
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109. Do buzzards eat slugs ?
Answer: Unlikely ... it is a patient bird, quite content to sit for hours at a time until a young rabbit, a rat or a mouse chances to pass beneath it. Then it will swoop down on to its unsuspecting prey.
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110. why is the most reccent question labeled 1, not the first question asked?
Answer: It is just how the program works, sorry about that, I may try to fix it one day. Chris
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111. What is the point in anyone learning history ? All they ever need it for is to teach history ... and dig up old stuff in the queens garden, and lets face it, that's pretty dull.
Answer: History ... well it's just one thing after another ... unless of course you have a TARDIS.
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112. Where does scampi come from ?
Answer: Scampi is the name given to a large shrimp or prawn or more commonly a dish of shrimp or prawns grilled or sautéed in oil or butter and garliv ... mmm
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113. I can only find one of your poems on this website, are there more?
Answer: There are other examples here ... http://support.zero88.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=633
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114. What's that coming over the hill ... is it a monster?
Answer: No, it's just a hallucination caused by eating those 'dodgy' mushrooms !
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115. What year did the lion appear on eggs ?
Answer: The "Little Lion" was first launched in the late 1950's by the British Egg Marketing Board and became a well known symbol through the Board's advertising and promotional material.
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116. How many world title fights did mohammed ali contest under the name of Cassius Clay ?
Answer: One ... in Feb 1964 against Sonny Liston. Shortly afterwards he changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
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117. Why don't cows get sunburn?
Answer: They wear big floppy hats and cover their skin with factor 50 sun tan cream !
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118. How much acreage of grass do you need to keep 1 cow?
Answer: Depends is you want to keep it dead or alive !
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119. How much milk can a cow produce in 1 day?
Answer: With genetic manipulation and intensive production technologies, it is common for modern dairy cows to produce 100 pounds of milk a day.
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120. How do I make borough market chocolate brownies ?
Answer: Ask the traders at the borough market ?
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121. Will England win the World Cup this year?
Answer: No, they will be knocked out in the quarter finals on penalties by a bunch of pouting, diving, prima donnas !
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122. If a magazine is published bimonthly how many editions are published in a year, 6 or 24?
Answer: According to the dictionary it could be either !
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123. Can you answer rhetorical questions?
Answer: How should I know ?
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124. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Answer: Unsliced bread ?
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125. Is there a ladies club in Feinedd Bren?
Answer: There is not a separate ladies club, but there are ladies in the club. However, Sir Talfryn and Kaiser Nein accept no responsibility for this situation :-)
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126. Does anything rhyme with 'orange' ?
Answer: It's debatable depending on how you strictly define 'rhyme' but the closest I found was 'lozenge'. There's also Blorenge, a mountain near Abergavenny :-)
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127. What is the longest lasting pen ?
Answer: The one that you don't write with !
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128. what is the word for chav in wales
Answer: Er, 'chav' I believe ... now if you had asked what the word 'chav' was in Welsh, I would have said tafur (pronounced ta-vir).
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129. How many dog years to a human ?
Answer: I believe the generally accepted ratio is 7:1
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130. Name the inventer of catseyes
Answer: Percy Shaw
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131. What's on Easter Weekend in the Cwmbran, Newport or Cardiff areas ?
Answer: Please consult your local papers or listen to local radio :-)
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132. What were the Radio Ballads?
Answer: A Radio-ballad is a sound-tapestry woven of four basic elements: songs, instrumental music, sound effects and the recorded voices of those with whose lives each programme deals The radio-ballads were the joint creation of Ewan Maccoll, Charles Parker and Peggy Seeger. These programmes were revolutiony for their time, using as they did the actual spoken words of the "informants". They are entertaining, informative, musical, poetic and educational. There were eight radio-ballads, created between 1957 and 1964.
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133. Are Sundays special, if so should we take steps to keep them that way?
Answer: That depends on your religion .. if you wish to keep them special, that is entirely up to you. However, I do object to being told what I can and cannot do on a Sunday by a minority of people.
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134. What's the difference between a caterpillar and a centipede?
Answer: One is a wormlike arthropod of the class Chilopoda, having a flattened body composed of segments, each bearing a pair of jointed appendages. The other is a trademark used for a tractor equipped with continuous chain treads !!
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135. Are there any questions you would like to ask ?
Answer: There are many, but who would answer them ?
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136. Do you usually get asked so many questions?
Answer: NO, I usually get asked more; I just choose not to answer all of them !
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137. is gruntled the oppposite of disgruntled?
Answer: Not really - 'gruntled' is the past tense of the verb 'gruntle' which means to grunt or grunt repeatedly.
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138. If you tried to fail and succeed in failing have you really succeeded?
Answer: If failure is regarded as success, then yes !
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139. Shouldn't "Nigels answers" have an apostrophe in it?
Answer: Yes it should, but I only use the application - I didn't write it ... please contact the author :-)
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140. Is it possible to sneeze with your eyes open?
Answer: No !
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141. What was the name of Grace Archer's horse?
Answer: Elegant Toxophilite ? :-)
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142. What's the difference between flammable and inflammable?
Answer: Historically, flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. However, the presence of the prefix in- has misled many people into assuming that inflammable means "not flammable". The prefix -in in inflammable is not, however, the Latin negative prefix -in, which is related to the English -un and appears in such words as indecent and inglorious. Rather, this -in is an intensive prefix derived from the Latin preposition in. This prefix also appears in the word enflame. But many people are not aware of this derivation, and for clarity's sake it is advisable to use only flammable to give warnings.
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143. Which is the best way to buy tinned tuna - in brine, spring water or oil?
Answer: In Sainsburys.
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144. Where is Feinedd Bren Gentlemen’s Club?
Answer: There are enough clues in the story to enable you to work it out :-)
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145. I have been told by Mark Crew that you look a lot like the little picture of you I was just wondering if your hair really is that out of this world ?
Answer: Yes, my hair is that wild, but you wouldn't catch me wearing a pin stripe suit :-)
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146. Where's Spot?
Answer: On the outskirts of Cardiff perhaps ?
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147. I see that Jeeves has retired to travel the world on his boat. You're not going to do the same are you ?
Answer: That's rather unlikely as I don't have a boat !
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148. I do not have the facilities to melt down the 2p's before putting them in the 4.5litre whisky bottle, so how many can I expect to fit in, unmelted?
Answer: Why bother putting them in the bottle at all .. you will only have to take them all out again later ... why not take them to the coin star machine in Asda or Sainsbury and convert them to a voucher you can spend on your shopping :-)
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149. Does anything eat wasps?
Answer: Only the occasional cyclist or motorcyclist who forgets to keep his mouth shut !
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150. I’m not well and have pulled out of some events I was due to attend at the weekend. I might, however, just be able to attend a certain public house for a medicinal beverage or two this evening. But I’m concerned if I’m seen out, I’ll get taunted with: “You were well enough to go to the pub!” type comments. What should I do? Yours concerned Mr Badger
Answer: Dear Mr Badger,
Fear not! Just buy the chairman of the temperance league a drink of his choosing (probably non alcoholic) tonight, and no-one will ever know your dark secret.
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151. What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it's all about ?
Answer: Then the reason for our existence on this planet is seriously in doubt !
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152. What make of car is driven by the two brothers in US tv series "Supernatural"?
Answer: A black 1967 Chevy Impala
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153. I hold my hands the width of my shoulders apart. If I have a moth ball in each hand, what have I got?
Answer: The undivided attention of a very large moth !
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154. If you're stapling a thick pile of paper, why does the staple bend horribly if you do it slowly, but it goes through properly if you do it quickly?
Answer: Momentum, inertia and paper resistance probably ... I'm a software engineer (allegedly) not a materials scientist :-)
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155. I've written a book how do I get published
Answer: If your book is a novel that is going to take the world by storm contact a suitable publisher and expect a large pre-publication cheque within a few days. More realistically contact http://diggorypress.com/ and pay to have your book published. (not too much in this case!)
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156. What are the origins of the terms 'nearside' and 'offside' used to descibe sides of a car, and do they swap over if you drive on the other side of the road?
Answer: Basically yes, as long as you do it legally, say driving on the right in France, in a french car. "nearside" translated into french becomes " du côté du passager" or literally passenger side, and "offside" becomes "du côté du conducteur" or literally, the side of the driver.
However, if you drive a British car in France, things get a little confused!
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157. Approximately how many two pences pieces could you fit in a 4.5 litre whisy bottle?
Answer: That all depends if you melt them down first or not !
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158. Why is a windsor knot so called?
Answer: The Windsor knot is named after the Duke of Windsor, although he himself did not use it. The Duke favoured a thick knot and achieved this result by having ties specially made of thicker material.
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159. Why are some cereals higher in energy than others
Answer: It's all down to gemology - some have more Joules than others !
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160. Apart from humans, do any other animals posess the dexterity to remove splinters from themselves?
Answer: Most other animals are clever enough not to get splinters in the first place !
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161. Should I stay or should I go?
Answer: That all depends on where to by you are coming from !
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162. If I ask a question, I get a question number that is 1 billion and something or other. Yet on this page I only see just under 200 questions answered. That's an awful lot of alphabetti spaghetti, how do you transport it to the local recycling centre?
Answer: In a large truck !
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163. I'm looking for someone who can make me some fine custom built shaker and cottage style kitchen furniture. Who can you recommend ?
Answer: I suggest you try Mr Harris assuming he's not on the piste again :-)
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164. What is meant by the lion quality marked on eggs?
Answer: The Lion Quality mark on your eggs guarantees that they are from British hens which have been vaccinated against salmonella, making them amongst the safest in the world.
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165. Approximately how much would a 4.5 litre whisky bottle full of 2 pence pieces be worth?
Answer: £ x/50 where x is the number of 2p coins in the bottle !
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166. Is this a full time job ? If not, then what is your job?
Answer: No, it's a full-time hobby. My real job involves frogs !
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167. If you let a pan of water boil over on a gas cooker, why does the flame go orange? Water doesn't burn, does it?
Answer: Tap water is not pure water and contains a number of dissolved salts. When it boils over and enters the flame it is the various elements in these salts that cause the gas flame to go orange.
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168. What happens to the questions that don't get answered?
Answer: They are taken to the local recycling centre where they are broken down into individual letters and turned into alphabetti spaghetti.
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169. What does "Res melius evinissent cum Coca" mean?
Answer: Things go better with Coke.
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170. Can you tell the author of the most recent question about Pauline Fowler, that the question numbers change every time a new question is posted?
Answer: No point, you just did :-)
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171. Why is it, that if you turn a tap on slightly, then it will turn itself off slowly over the next twenty seconds or so?
Answer: Hydraulics !
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172. Where to buy a dart board in Cwmbran ?
Answer: I would suggest The Dart Box (Ronsports) on Victoria Street, old Cwmbran.
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173. What was the last pantomime that you watched?
Answer: Babes in the Wood at the Congress Theatre, Cwmbran
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174. What site can I find the pictures of the Bush ladies dart team?
Answer: Try here http://www.thebushinncwmbran.co.uk
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175. Where does the expressing "beating about the bush" come from?
Answer: It comes from hunting, where hunters would carefully beat around bushes hoping to drive out their prey instead of just going in after it.
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176. upper cwmbran
Answer: That's not a question - it's an area of the town - and besides it should have leading capitals :-)
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177. is there buses 2 newport on boxing day from cwmbran
Answer: Surely you mean "are there buses" ? Knowing the wonderful local transport system, I would guess not or maybe a Sunday service if you're lucky, but in Cwmbran Sunday servive = no service !
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178. Where can I find all eight stanza's of "Auld Kyndnes foryett"
Answer: Not sure about the first seven ... but
An anonymous ballad in the Bannatyne Manuscript of 1568, 'Auld Kyndnes foryett'. The last of the eight stanzas goes:
"They wald me hals with hude and hatt,
Quhyle I wes rich and had anewch,
About me friends anew I gatt,
Rycht blythlie on me they lewch;
But now they mak it wondir tewch,
And lattis me stand befoir the yett;
Thairfoir this warld is very frewch,
And auld kyndnes is quyt foryett."
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179. When did 01 cease being the dialing code for London?
Answer: In May 1990 the London 01 area code was replaced with 071 and 081. Exchanges in central London used the 071 code with the remaining exchanges using the 081 code and formed a ring around the 071 area. Although this effectively doubled the available numbers it would not be the last change for the capital.
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180. When is Chris going to move some of the older questions onto an archive page ?
Answer: When he remembers :-)
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181. Do parallel lines cross at infinity ?
Answer: I suggest that you go to infinity and have a look :-)
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182. How do potatoes know whether they're being cooked in a microwave or an oven, such that in the former they tast awful, and in the latter, simply delicious!
Answer: In a microwave, it's the water molecules that are vibrated to cause the heating effect from the inside out - in an oven they get cooked form the outside in purely by conduction of heat ;-)
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183. In reference to question 61, Pauline Fowler is a character in Eastenders. My question is why does she keep bumping people off with monopoly pieces? Her car, her iron and her scotty dog have all been used to kill someone....
Answer: Any more questions like that and I'll give you the boot (or the top hat or the battleship) :-)
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184. Do you like marmite on crumpets . . . if you've never tried it then you should ... it's mightily nice?
Answer: I like Marmite on a lot of things ;-)
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185. How can I tie a Windsor knot ?
Answer: Refer to Question 35 :-)
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186. When was the last time you wore a tie?
Answer: 1994 (I think)
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187. What was Operation Entebbe?
Answer: The raid on Entebbe, also called Operation Entebbe and Operation Jonathan, was an Israeli Defense Force rescue operation into Entebbe, Uganda where 10 terrorists were holding 103 hostages.
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188. There are many questions that remain unanswered. Why?
Answer: Not everything has an answer !
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189. Why do people say the sky is the limit when in fact people have been into space ?
Answer: Some people are just short-sighted !
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190. How do we know that a squared plus b squared = c squared, we could get the letters the wrong way round
Answer: Because c is the hippopotamus and is always the largest of the three variables :-)
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191. What are your methods for dealing with lunatics?
Answer: I delete their questions !
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192. I saw a pig fly - what does this mean?
Answer: You are a Pink Floyd fan living near Battersea Power Station.
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193. What are your views on antidisestablishmentarianism ?
Answer: Sorry, can't help with that one I'm hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobic !
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194. Do you own a dart board ?
Answer: Why should I when there's a perfectly good one in the pub !
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195. What's the best way to make chocolate brownies ?
Answer: Follow the recipe !
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196. Do you get paid for answering these pointless questions like the one that I am currently writing ?
Answer: Not all the questions are pointless !
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197. Do you like carrot cake ?
Answer: Pass - don't think I have ever tried any.
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198. Do you look like the cartoon Nigel ?
Answer: The beard is fairly accurate ... not so sure about the rest !
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199. If you could travel in time, when would you go to and why?
Answer: The Rush concert at the NEC in Birmingham in 1992. I had to give up my ticket as I was ill at the time !
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200. Do you like the name Rachel?
Answer: Yes, but I prefer to be called K-Nine :-)
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201. What are islets of langahan ?
Answer: I refer the honourable questioner to the reply that I gave approximately 70 questions below this one :-)
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202. How old is Marmite?
Answer: Some of the yeast extract used in Marmite comes from Bass's brewery in Burton-on-Trent, and the rest is from various other breweries in the area. The main Marmite factory is about two miles away from the Bass brewery. Burton-on-Trent has been the home of Marmite since the patent was first acquired in 1902.
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203. Do you know of any interesting applications for marmite?
Answer: Yes :-))
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204. Do you love or hate Marmite?
Answer: Love it - marvellous stuff !
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205. What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Answer: Around 13-14 metres/second if they are in a hurry
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206. I think the real question is, where are you going?
Answer: From here to there, and probably back again !
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207. Are we nearly there yet?
Answer: That depends entirely on where you are going !
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208. Why do people keep asking "How old is Auld Lang Syne", and why is the answer different each time?
Answer: Because (1) they don't read the other questions further down the list before posting their question and (2) variety is the spice of life ... it's also eight small packets of kellog's cereals inwhich the Coco Pops are always left to last :-)
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209. How old is Auld Lang Syne ?
Answer: "Auld Lang Syne" was transcribed and published by the Scottish poet Robert Burns, based on earlier Scots ballads. Robert Burns forwarded a copy of the original song to the British Museum with the remark, "The following song, an old song, of the olden times, and which has never been in print, nor even in manuscript until I took it down from an old man's singing, is enough to recommend any air." The tune Burns suggested is not the tune we use today.
So the answer is ... older than Robert Burns !
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210. When we ask Nigel, how do we know if you are real or not?
Answer: Of course I am real ! What would the alternative be I wonder, and would it offer such rapid and witty responses :-)
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211. What time does the last number 6 (Ty Canol) bus leave Cwmbran Town Centre?
Answer: 18:35
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212. If the Upper Cwmbran Temperance League is indeed about temperance, why can it's members be often seen in a certain public house consuming beverages of an alcoholic nature?
Answer: Simple - the important term here is temperance (moderation and self-restraint, as in behavior or expression) not abstinence :-)
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213. Will SHE be there tonight? You know the one of whom I speak ;-)
Answer: Unfortunately, I cannot answer that one .. you will just have to wait and see :-)
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214. Why is it that when I'm in a hurry or delayed, my bus will leave dead on time or slightly early, but when I arrive at the bus stop in good time, to catch my intended bus, it is always late?
Answer: This phenomenon is sometimes known as One Man's Neurological Inventive Bus Uncertainty Syndrome or OMNIBUS for short.
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215. What is scampi?
Answer: Large shrimp broiled or sautéed and served in a garlic and butter sauce.
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216. Mr Brown did his nut as he found a unique formula to shield his home from ninja badger attacks. Is this anything to crow about?
Answer: If he lives in a Valley, then crow would be a good option as the acoustics are much better ! Watch out for the pink panthers though or the kangaross with unusual bouncing actions, ie double hops :-))
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217. wos wrong wth txt spk then, lol?
Answer: There is nothing inherently wrong with "txt spk" when used in the appropriate situations, ie text messages between mobile phones. However, in forums and interactive situations such as this, I prefer questions to be written in full and grammatically correct English :-))
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218. hiya its haNNAH MARKS NEICE AGEN IM AVIN TROUBLE I CANT FIND THE NUMBER 4 999 PLZ TELL ME INCASE I NEED IT WAT IS THE NUMBER FOR 999 ?
Answer: One is having difficulty reading certain questions especially when the normal rules regarding spelling, punctuation and grammar are being constantly abused in favour of 'text speak' :-)
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219. How can I make a windsor knot in a my tie?
Answer: Tie, what's a tie ? Oh, you mean one of those strange shaped pieces of material that you try and suffocate yourself with in the name of sartorial elegance !Disgusting things, they should be banned ... if we were meant to wear ties we would have collars on our necks !
Chairmans Note
As one who thinks that a high standard of dress sense is important in this day and age I feel I must add something to this rather flippant answer. This is obviously a very serious question by a troubled person.
SO.. Take the long thick end of the tie in your right hand and pass it over the thin bit, then under the thin bit then down through the loop around your neck, then around the front, behind and forward through the loop around your neck then down through the bit you just brought accross the front. Adjust as required.
Phew!
Bit complicated really, I think Nigel is right.
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220. Why is so hot? Why oh why? scochio. I'm melting.....
Answer: There are a couple of reasons ... [1] there is a national shortage of cold particles in the air at the moment and the hot particles are breeding like rabbits, or [2] it's a cunning plan by those air conditioner and office fan salesmen to try and get us to buy their products !
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221. How much does Billie Piper weigh these days?
Answer: I have no idea but she is welcome to come and stand on my bathroom scales anytime :-))
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222. Why did the lion appear on British eggs?
Answer: The Lion Quality mark guarantees that the eggs are from British hens vaccinated against salmonella and are produced under a rigorous Code of Practice unparalled in the food industry. Following the introduction of the Lion Quality scheme in Autumn 1998, it has helped cut salmonella food poisoning in the human population by 54% over the past three years.
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223. What is the earliest date for a cuckoo to be heard in Wales?
Answer: If you have a cuckoo clock or one of those fancy ring tones on your mobile ... January the First !
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224. Which planet is the furthest from the sun ?
Answer: Pluto most of the time, but sometimes it is Neptune.
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225. I am weightless, but you can see me. Put me in a bucket, and I'll make it lighter. What am I?
Answer: A hole. Also found in Polo mints :-)
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226. What is the point of it all?
Answer: The opposite to the blunt end of it all !
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227. When is the shortest night ?
Answer: On the same date as the longest day !
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228. I was born in Cwmbran in Monmouthshire. Monmouthshire became Gwent. Then Cwmbran became part of the county Borough of Torfaen and much of Gwent became part of another county borough called Monmouthshire. Am I right in saying I was born in Monmouthshire?
Answer: Yes, because Cwmbran was in Monmouthshire at the time of your birth. The fact that local government keep re-arranging county boundaries and coming up with stupid names is irrelevant. I still quote my address as Cwmbran, GWENT :-)
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229. I found somebody elses trousers the other day and there wasn't 50 quid in either pocket. Why?
Answer: Perhaps they had been shopping and spent some of it !
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230. Who is really behind "Bad Wolf" ?
Answer: I am not at liberty to reveal that until after 7:45 PM this Saturday, or I will be e-x-t-e-r-m-i-n-a-t-e-d !
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231. If I go back in time to when my grandfather was a boy and shoot him dead, will I cease to exist?
Answer: Probably, it's known as the Carlsberg Relational Anomoly Principle :-)
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232. what is the welsh national assemlby i need 2 no 4 borin homwrk
Answer: If you rephrase the question in real English, I might be able to answer :-)
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233. I thought Soo works in The Bush?
Answer: She does, as do 'Thirsty' Kirsty and the lovely Verse 18 :-)
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234. Why is it that "I spoke TO Nigel, but had TOO many questions" is correct but "SO I looked it up, but it was SOO difficult" is not ?
Answer: Because SOO is the friend of Sooty and Sweep !
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235. Did Geoff Hurst really score?
Answer: I guess he must have done on several occasions ... not much point playing as a striker if you can't ... bit of a dodgy one in '66 though :-)
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236. What is alive and has only 1 foot?
Answer: A Monoped !
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237. When do elephants have 8 feet?
Answer: Probably in the mating season :-))
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238. What always ends everything ?
Answer: The letter 'g'
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239. Nicola Bryant or Billie Piper? Who would you chose?
Answer: Both :-))
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240. What is the word that means hiring or promoting family members or favored frineds unfairly
Answer: Nepotism
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241. When we were a Kingdom we were ruled by a King. When we were an Empire we were ruled by an Emperor. Now we're a Country, what are we ruled by?
Answer: The Labour Government ... just :)
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242. Is it true that contrary to popular belief, Riley's life hasn't been so good lately ?
Answer: As I haven't seen him for a long while, I cannot really comment !
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243. If you have an electric light in a mirror sealed room and you turn it off, does it get dark in the room?
Answer: What's a mirror sealed room ?
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244. If Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck and Pluto's a dog, what's Goofy?
Answer: The result of an overactive imagination !
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245. If reincarnation exists, why does Pauline Fowler keep coming back as the same thing?
Answer: Who is Pauline Fowler ???
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246. How do you start using a "Frequent Use Shampoo"?
Answer: I suggest you begin by removing the cap :-)
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247. If I'm travelling in a vehicle at the speed of light and I turn the headlights on, what would happen?
Answer: You can now see where you are going !
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248. What is the secret of Area 51?
Answer: If I told you then it would no longer be a secret.
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249. What is the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything?
Answer: Not sure about the 'question' but the answer is 42 :-)
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250. You are trapped in a room with no windows and a locked door. How do you get out?
Answer: Use the key !
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251. Forewards it is heavy, backwards it is not. What is it?
Answer: Ton :-)
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252. A butcher is six foot tall, wears size 14 shoes, and has a 50 inch waist. What does he weigh?
Answer: Steaks, chops, sausages, burgers etc.